Here it is a little past mid-week. My mind has been swirling and filling and emptying again and taking all of me with it. What to write, what to write? How to write when focus cannot be found? For any of you who were at Samhain, you were able to meet my Goddess Oracle deck. I hoped that perhaps the cards could help me stop spinning and find focus and I think they did.
I was given “Ecstasy” for my primary card, the absolute joy of living. Curious. It is early November and darkness is enveloping us all like a peaceful blanket, a call to rest. And most years my mood follows the light down into an unpleasant darkness that yearns for Yule to bring me back the light. But not this year. The swirling I mentioned at the start is very energetic. I am thinking and getting things done. And I’m scared. I’m bipolar. When my mind and mood shift to a higher gear I fear I might be getting manic, a happy but dangerous place to be. What does one do when energy, creativity, and happiness cannot be trusted?.
Perhaps the card means that having energy and creativity is just that. I doesn’t have to be something to be afraid of. It can be used and enjoyed. The next card, the one that tells what’s holding me back from achieving the first card is Kuan Yin, telling me that I must find compassion for myself. Telling me that I can be happy and energetic without that meaning bipolar mania, and that it’s okay to enjoy it.
I take the next card and find Artemis on the card that tells me what to do. This card always means that I need to be true to myself when I draw it. And what will the cards offer for my experience, what I need to experience to be able to finally find or enjoy the positive aspects of the ecstasy card?
Surprise – Sekhmet meets me with a burning rage and tells me I need that, too. Really? I need to experience rage to feel ecstasy? But rage feels so dangerous. Could it be that before anyone can seize pure joy for even a moment, the true wrongs that make us angry must be addressed. Perhaps enjoying ecstasy without fear, can only come when what needs to be burned away is gone, leaving space for something positive.. The cards always seem to know just what I need to learn.
Blessings
